I focus my energy on the wrong things. Chaos and unclear responsibilities at work pull me in. Strange messes and general nonsense wear me out. I completely lose it if someone starts giving advice or steps into my territory.

Why do these things even matter?

Apparently, I’ve freed up just enough bandwidth to obsess over all the unnecessary stuff in a totally unreasonable way.

I guess it all comes down to a choice. Focusing on sorting through the madness at work is a valid path — but is it really the one I want to take?

What would even be the goal? Where would it lead? What problems would I be solving? Maybe I’d be pretty good at organizing things, analyzing processes, spinning ideas around, looking at them from a fifth angle.

The harder question is this:

Why am I so passive about building my own business, my own dreams? Why am I so passive about moving myself forward?

Where has the world gone from my head? Can I get it back — or is this just aging?

Have I lost the ability to jump out of the bowl?

Maybe that’s been the driving force of my life all along.
Not perseverance, not talent, not nuance — but that simple urge to jump.

That’s what explains why I’m climbing toward the edge again now.

Only this time, I’m not as young.
My knees protest.
I’m out of breath.